Well well well…. what have we here…
Guys….guys…guuuuuuuyssss….. First off, Hi! If you are new or a stranger… then ignore the next paragraph or this whole post. Or don’t..up to you. Insightfult none the less…but my name is Jill ..a mother… a fighter …. a lover…and I do anything I want to do baby…(see Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman for joke). I do not double check my grammar and write from the heart. So if tiny errors are a problem for you ..look away now.
Let us start shall we..
I can hardly even put into words why I have taken a break from this for so long., I have spent years deleting content and carefully going over everything I have posted or said. (nothing crazy like politics etc… just privacy mostly)
..I mean.. haven’t we all had to take a hard look into all aspects of our life this last year. Before the pandemic, I was already seeing a lot of things I did not like in my life. A lot. People, places & things. All of the nouns….I was struggling. I never noticed all the cracks around me that were growing.
and then bam…into lockdown we went. So I was able to sift through so much in my life and cut out all the crap. Downsized eveything, my home and belongings mostly. I went vegan and planned so many trips for when it all ended…(like it was gonna end lol) got into yoga….All the extra downtime really allowed me to get creative and refocus on what was important in my life.
And as soon as I have it all figured out and moving forward…. everything came crashing down again. I wont get into major specifics, but I had to look at who I was surrounding myself with and really learn what the hell boundaries were. I will not lie….boundaries are very new to me.I was having to ignore my thoughts on people and that was a truly icky feeling. Worst off, most of the people ended showing their true colors anyway and I learned I was not important to them in the first place. Yet, there I had been…supporting and trying to grow with them.
I have learned to not ingore gut insticts about people most of all. I have learned that therapy with the right therapist does wonders. That not everyone who says they are good are actually good.. Basically, I have learned to trust in myself. As a mother, woman and so much more.
BUUUUTTT…….I will say that I was pretty much let down by a lot of people. Relationships were extremely toxic. Even new relationships I tried to start were riddle with rumors and coldhearts. There was no escape. I was in a toxic group of people. Becoming toxic. It felt like whiplash…like I was the ball floating around in the pinball machine. I had to let myself completely lean into the fall…..and let go of it all in order to start again. And I am still falling and enjoying that fall now.
I had to completely leave every enviroment that I created. For the sake of my family & privacy, I wont go into details too much. At least not right now. One day, I do plan to talk about the topics in depth. But it is too much to cover here & now. Each topic is so sensitive.
Family, marriage, friends, work…
I want to discuss everything with carefully thoughtout words. Because we all know people will criticize just about anything. I want to have open conversations with women who have been through similiar situations and help others find grace in their rest too. I want us to know that just because the crowd you have chosen has chose to burn you doesnt mean there isnt a new one out there just waiting for someone like you to come along.
WE should learn to trust ourselves and fall into better versions of ourselves..always. Always grow. And if the people around you are not growing with you and choosing to keep you down…outgrow them all. There IS someone out there just waiting to throw a ladder to you. Break the chains and lies that people try to place on you. Laugh at the scuffs.
Sooooo with that being said….heeelllloooo! Gosh I had to delete sooooo many posts. Some were just bad…like …..what was I thinking ….bad. But I have kept a few up on here with a few photos to remember the good ole blogging days. Before everything was perfect and glowing….curated and fancy.
I am not currently even posting links. There will be affliates and some ads etc…but I am writing here as a humble way to communicate and heal right now. When I have that feel good -flowing-vibing energy again… I am going to flow it right on over to you.
I am not going to worry about posting perfect photos right now either.
I want to connect with our words right now. In the world of the same repeated TikTok dance and 8 second attention span (nothing against it. I use it too) . I just want to reconnect on deeper level for the first few new posts… for myself even!
In the words of Shania… Lets Go Girls (& guys obviously)